Best Lubricants for Menopause Dryness: What Actually Works
27 May 2026
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The first time I noticed something was off was with a tampon. It was just a regular Tuesday, nothing unusual. But things felt drier and a bit resistant. I remember thinking, "That's strange," and then I just went on with my day.
The next time I noticed it was during sex. There was a bit of discomfort; not painful, just enough to notice.
Like many people, I chose not to say anything. You don’t want to interrupt the moment. So you push through, adjust, and tell yourself it’s fine.
It took me longer than I’d like to admit to connect both of those experiences to perimenopause. At first, I just thought something was wrong with me personally.
But it wasn’t just me.
Why does dryness happen in perimenopause?
Estrogen quietly does a lot for our bodies. One important job is keeping vaginal tissue healthy, elastic, and naturally lubricated.
As estrogen starts to fluctuate and slowly drops during perimenopause, that tissue changes. It gets thinner and drier. Blood flow to the area also decreases. The natural moisture you once had without thinking now needs a bit more help.
This isn’t a personal failure. It’s a hormonal change, and it’s very common. Up to half of women in perimenopause and menopause have some level of vaginal dryness.
The real number is probably even higher, since many women don’t mention it to their doctor or anyone else.
The good news is that this is one of the easiest symptoms to address. The right lubricant can really help.
Lubricants versus vaginal moisturisers: they're not the same thing
This difference is important, and I wish I had known about it sooner.
A lubricant is used during intimacy to reduce friction and increase comfort. A vaginal moisturiser is used regularly, a few times a week, to address dryness as an ongoing condition rather than at specific times.
Both are useful. They work differently. If dryness is something you're noticing daily, not just during sex, a regular moisturiser is worth looking into alongside a lubricant.
In this post, I’m focusing on lubricants because that’s usually the first step for most women.
What to look for (and what to avoid)
Not all lubricants are made the same, and some can actually make dryness worse.
The vagina is naturally acidic, with a pH between 3.8 and 4.5. Many cheaper or mass-market lubricants have a higher pH, which can upset this balance and cause irritation or increase the risk of infection.
Choose pH-balanced lubricants for vaginal use. Avoid products with added fragrance, flavour, glycerin, or parabens. These might seem harmless, but they can irritate sensitive tissue, and perimenopausal tissue is often more sensitive than before.
Osmolality is important, too. It might sound technical, but it just means how concentrated the lubricant is compared to your body’s own cells.
Lubricants with high osmolality can draw moisture out of your tissue rather than add it. The World Health Organisation recommends using lubricants with an osmolality below 1200 mOsm/kg. Most products don’t show this on the label, so it helps to read reviews from trusted sources.
The three main types
Water-based lubricants are the most versatile. If you use silicone toys, they’re the only type you should use.
Silicone-based lubricants can break down silicone toys over time, damaging them and making them harder to clean. Water-based formulas are safe with all toys and condoms, easy to wash off, and usually up to half of women are gentle on sensitive skin. They can dry out faster than other types, so you might need to reapply. Look for a pH-balanced formula without glycerin.
Silicone-based lubricants last longer and feel smoother. They’re safe to use with condoms, but not with silicone toys.
If you have significant dryness or discomfort during sex without toys, silicone lubricants can be more helpful because they don’t soak into the skin. They also wash off easily with soap and water.
Oil-based lubricants, including natural ones like organic coconut oil, are very moisturising but aren’t safe to use with latex condoms. They can also affect vaginal pH for some women. If you don’t use latex condoms and your body handles oils well, they’re worth trying.
Do a patch test first and notice how you feel in the days after.
What I actually use
I’ve tried quite a few lubricants, so I have some real opinions. Here are the ones I keep returning to. I have no commercial relationship with these brands. These are products I've personally used and recommend based on my experience.
Everyone's body is different. What works for me may not work for you, and it's worth doing a patch test with any new product.
For everyday use and anything with toys, I go for a good water-based formula. YES is my top recommendation: it’s clean, pH-balanced, and doesn’t have that artificial feel you sometimes get with cheaper options.
When I need something that lasts longer, and toys aren’t involved, Uberlube is the silicone-based option I trust. You only need a little, and it really makes a difference when dryness has been a problem.
If you’re new to this and not sure where to start, a water-based option is always a good first choice. It’s gentle, safe with any toy, and easy to find online in Australia.
A few things worth knowing about how to use it
This might sound simple, but people rarely talk about the practical side. I think that’s one reason lubricant sometimes doesn’t work as well as it could.
If you apply lubricant a few minutes before sex instead of right in the moment, it has time to warm up and work better. You can put it on yourself, your partner, a toy, or all three.
Reapplying during sex is totally normal and doesn’t mean anything is wrong.
With water-based formulas, a small top-up is often enough. And in this case, using more is better; there’s really no such thing as too much.
When the lubricant isn't enough
If dryness and discomfort continue even when you use a good lubricant, it’s a good idea to talk to your GP or gynaecologist about topical estrogen.
This treatment works locally, not throughout your whole body. The FDA notes that low-dose vaginal oestrogen has a different safety profile from systemic HRT. Whether it's right for you is a conversation worth having with your GP.
I’d also like to gently say: if you’ve been quietly dealing with discomfort for months or years, please talk to a doctor about it. It’s so common that many women think it’s just something they have to live with. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Telling your partner
For a long time, I didn’t say anything. I just adjusted quietly, hoping it would go away, and not wanting to make it into an issue.
What I eventually learned is that saying something simple, like "I need a little more help these days, grab the lubricant," is much easier than carrying the mental load by yourself.
Most partners, once they understand what’s going on, are relieved to have something practical they can do. It becomes a normal part of intimacy instead of an interruption.
It doesn’t need to be a big conversation. You just have to bring it up once.
You don’t have to just put up with it.
You don’t have to push through dryness and discomfort during intimacy or quietly put up with them.
These issues aren’t a sign that this part of your life is over. They just mean your body needs a bit more support now, and that support is truly available.
Start with a good lubricant and see what changes.
Arousi is here for exactly this reason: to have honest conversations about what’s changing and what really helps. If you want to learn more about what supports pleasure and sensation during perimenopause, that’s what we’re here for. Explore Arousi
Common questions about vaginal dryness and lubricants in perimenopause
Is vaginal dryness in perimenopause normal?
Yes, and it happens more often than many women think because people rarely talk about it.
Estrogen helps keep vaginal tissue healthy, stretchy, and naturally moist. When estrogen levels start to change during perimenopause, the tissue can become thinner and drier. Moisture that used to be there without effort may now need extra help. Studies show many women experience some vaginal dryness during perimenopause, and it becomes more common as menopause gets closer.
The actual number is probably higher than what studies show, since many women never mention it to their doctor or anyone else. If you’re dealing with this, you’re not alone and it’s not your fault. Your body is just reacting to hormonal changes, and that’s completely normal.
What is the difference between a lubricant and a vaginal moisturiser?
They are different, and knowing the difference can help you pick what works best for you.
A lubricant is for use during intimacy to reduce friction and make things more comfortable right then. A vaginal moisturiser is something you use regularly, usually a few times a week, to keep the tissue hydrated over time. If you notice dryness every day, not just during sex, it’s a good idea to try a moisturiser along with a lubricant. If dryness only happens during intimacy, a lubricant is a good place to start. Many women use both at different times, and they can work well together.
What should I look for in a lubricant during perimenopause?
The two most important things to consider are pH and osmolality.
The vagina is naturally acidic, with a pH between 3.8 and 4.5. Many lubricants have a higher pH, which can upset this balance and cause irritation. Choose a product that says it is pH-balanced for vaginal use.
Osmolality is about how concentrated a lubricant is compared to your body’s cells. The World Health Organisation recommends using lubricants with an osmolality below 1200 mOsm/kg. Products above this level can pull moisture out of your tissue instead of adding it. Most labels don’t show this number, but you can check reviews from trusted health sources or look for products that mention WHO guidelines.
Water-based lubricants are gentle and work in most situations. Silicone-based ones last longer and help more if dryness is a bigger problem, but you shouldn’t use them with silicone toys. Oil-based lubricants are very moisturising, but they aren’t safe to use with latex condoms.
What ingredients should I avoid in lubricants during perimenopause?
Some common ingredients can irritate tissue during perimenopause, since it is often more sensitive than before.
Fragrance and flavour are the main ingredients to avoid. They don’t help and can cause irritation or allergic reactions. Glycerin is also best avoided, as it can lead to yeast growth and upset the vaginal balance. Parabens are preservatives found in many products. While research is ongoing, many women avoid them just to be safe, especially since tissue is more sensitive during this time.
A short and simple ingredient list is usually a good sign. If you can’t pronounce most of the ingredients, it’s a good idea to look for something else.
When should I talk to a doctor about vaginal dryness?
You should talk to your doctor sooner than most women actually do.
If dryness is uncomfortable every day, not just during sex, or if a good lubricant isn’t helping enough, it’s time to talk to your GP or gynaecologist. If dryness, irritation, or discomfort during intimacy doesn’t get better with lubricant, you should ask for help instead of just putting up with it.
A doctor can suggest options beyond lubricants, like topical treatments that help the tissue directly. These are not the same as hormone therapy and might be suitable for more women. Whether these options are right for you depends on your own history and symptoms, so it’s important to talk about it. You don’t have to handle this alone, and you shouldn’t have to just put up with it.
Is it safe to use lubricant with sex toys?
It depends on both the type of lubricant and what the toy is made of.
Water-based lubricants are safe to use with all toys and all condoms. They are the most versatile and a good choice if you’re unsure. Silicone-based lubricants should not be used with silicone toys, as they can damage the toy’s surface and make it harder to clean. If your toy is silicone, stick with a water-based lubricant. Oil-based lubricants are not safe with latex condoms, but they can be used with non-latex condoms and toys that are not made from latex.
If you’re not sure, water-based lubricants are always the safest choice to start with.
This post is based on personal experience and general research. It's not medical advice. If you're experiencing significant vaginal dryness or discomfort, please speak with your GP or gynaecologist.
Martina Baroncelli
Founder of Arousi. Background in pharmaceutical sales and product development. Writing from her own experience of perimenopause.